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Lois is voiced by Alex Borstein.
Lois Griffin : What's going on?
Stewie Griffin : We're playing house. Lois Griffin : The boy is all tied up.
Stewie Griffin : Roman Polanski's house. Lois Griffin : [to Peter] Hey there, Sweetie! I got a wax this morning and let's just say you're cleared for landing. Glen Quagmire : [from afar] Giggidy! Lois Griffin : Peter, why would they make you president? Peter Griffin : Probably because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second. Lois Griffin : Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
Machine : You have new messages. Lois Griffin : Oh my! Old Man : Uh, yeah, I was just wondering, uh Old Man : Haven't seen the newspaper in a couple days. Wonderin' if he ever gonna come back. Old Man : Guess who? Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just lonely here.
Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news.
Old Man : Where are you? Old Man : Ah, you're starting to piss me off, you little piggly son of a bitch. Call me. Stewie Griffin : Mother, I come bearing a gift.
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I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. Lois Griffin : Meg, can you change Stewie?
Meg Griffin : Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy. Lois Griffin : Peter, you brought this on yourself by putting on those filthy shows. Peter Griffin : Oh, Lois, you are so full of Peter Griffin : What? I can't say. Peter Griffin : in my own.
Peter Griffin : house! Peter Griffin : great, Lois!
Peter Griffin : great! You know, you're lucky you're good at. Peter Griffin : my. Peter Griffin : or I'd never put up with you. You know what I'm talking about, when you. Peter Griffin : a lubed up. Peter Griffin : of toothpaste in my. Peter Griffin : while you.
Peter Griffin : on a cherry. Peter Griffin : Episcopalian. Peter Griffin : extension cord. Peter Griffin : wetness. Peter Griffin : with a parking ticket. That is the best. Angry Man : Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
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Stewie Griffin : What did you just say? Lois Griffin : Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie Griffin : Pipe down Lois. Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch. Stewie Griffin : [furiously kicks the seat in front of him] Wah wah wah my ears are popping and there's no way to console me Wah! Maybe I'm teething, Maybe I'm hungry, who knows? I'm a baby! Lois Griffin : My therapist said we should try a trick called "role reversal", it's where you pretend to be the person who makes you angry. Don't listen to your mother.
She's stupid and worthless and you should only listen to me, Peter. Peter Griffin : I'm Lois. I brake for yard sales but I won't let Peter buy anything he likes like that neon beer with the chick who had two mugs for jugs. Stewie : I'm the dog. I'm well read and have a diverse stock portfolio.
But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the rug. Brian Griffin : I'm a pompous little antichrist who will abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and wind up settling with a rough trick named Jim. Hooker : Hey. Lois Griffin : Peter, there's a hooker in the bed! Peter Griffin : Stand still, Lois.
Their vision is based on movement. Hooker : Where did you go? Lois Griffin : Chris where have you been? Chris Griffin : Dad took me to see a plastic surgeon to have liposuction but I didn't have it done. Lois Griffin : Good for you Chris.
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That was a very grown-up decision. I mean what kind of egomanical pretentious jerk gets liposuction. Peter Griffin : [in a very sexy voice] Hello! Lois Griffin : Don't try to pawn this off on your sister! She's a good girl! Chris Griffin : Oh, yeah?
Well, what about the time she strangled our other sister? Lois Griffin : Oh, honey, we told you It was just a bad dream. Chris Griffin : But I remember it so Lois Griffin : Meg, put your bib on. Meg Griffin : I don't want to wear a bib. Lois Griffin : Meg, honey, it's very cold in here.
Maybe you'd be more comfortable with your bib on. Peter Griffin : She means your nipples are sticking out. Lois Griffin : Oh my god, they liked it? Lois Griffin : Stop it! Stop clapping right now! Lois Griffin : What's wrong with you? These people shouldn't be encouraged, they should be punished! That man has committed murder here this evening, and the victim's name is theater.