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Amateur Surgeon from Adult Swim puts your wildest surgery fantasies in the palm of your unwashed, unqualified hand.

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Update: 3rd and final chapter now available to play! Warning: This game features excessive cartoon violence, adult themes and potentially offensive language. The story goes like this. Alan Probe is a slovenly pizza delivery boy obsessed with pipe dreams of becoming a master surgeon.

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One day, while distracted by thoughts of doctorly fame, Alan smacks his delivery van into a staggering hobo, shattering the poor man's rib cage and inadvertently launching them both on a new and fateful career path. The fallen vagrant urges Alan to perform emergency surgery on him with whatever tools are handy. Open him up, drag his ribs into place, and sew him back together, easy as pie. Convenient pizza cutter in hand, Alan obliges, directed at every step by his patient and new mentor.

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Who is this mysterious hobo? If he was once a successful surgeon, how did he fall so far? What secrets hide in the underbelly of this corrupt and vicious city? Why are everyone's mouths drawn so big? These are the enigmas of Adult Swim's Alan Probe: Amateur Surgeona cartoonish and casually offensive entry into the simon-says-surgery genre made famous ish by Atlus' Trauma Center.

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The gameplay is wide open the same way ducks are eloquent. They are not, and it isn't. Your job is to follow the exact requirements of each surgery as quickly and as accurately as possible. A dashed yellow line means you need to select your pizza cutter and draw along it.

An object stuck in a wound is your cue to get out the tongs. An open laceration needs to be stapled shut.

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That's right. Instead of surgical stitches, you use a stapler. And your operating surface is a bloody pool table. One of your patients is a man who has attacked himself with a nail gun in order to sue the tool company. His name is Insurance-fraud Claude. If that made you chuckle, or if you're already a fan of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming line-up, I think you'll enjoy Amateur Surgeon.

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If it sounds totally stupid, or gratuitous cartoon violence bothers you, you should probably skip this one. The game will give you instructions as you play, but the gist of it is this. Choose your off-beat surgical implement from a menu at the top of the screen. You can either click on it or press the appropriate key, which is much faster, and soon becomes necessary since you'll be under time restrictions. When you've dealt with all of your current patient's injuries and stapled him shut, you win the level.

If his heart rate drops too low, either because time ran out or you've done the wrong thing too many times, the patient dies, and you'll have to start the level over from the beginning. When this review was first written there was only the first chapter out of a planned trilogy.

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Now all 3 Acts are up and available to play with each one comprising about ten episodes and promising many wacky adventures, including secret levels. If you enjoyed this one the first time around, you won't want to miss the conclusion! Analysis: Amateur Surgeon is blessed with the finest production values a second-tier television network can buy, with bright, detailed environments and an ever-present sense of self-conscious irony.

There's even a halfway interesting story, although obviously we're not talking Shakespeare here unless you mean Titus Andronicus. The violence is so over-the-top that it's not really gross, but there's still plenty of comically intense moments to go around. Especially the stuff with the chainsaw.

Most of your interaction with the game should go pretty smoothly, except for a handful of places where you'll need to be unreasonably fast and precise, Amateur surgeon junk operators be warned. The game's biggest flaw otherwise is that it's too repetitive.

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Most of your time is spent searing wounds closed with the lighter and then glopping a numbing gel on the scar, and you have to do it over and over Amateur surgeon junk over again. Most patients are just covered with gashes both inside and out, and while this can be justified by the ridiculous nature of their injuries, it still feels like an artificial method of making the levels longer. But what can you do? The point of this game is to tell grisly visual jokes and amuse you, not to supply multi-layered strategic gameplay depth. It does its job well, and the gameplay is actually better than it needs to be.

Some of the surgeries have a crazy, inventive edge to them that bodes well for the coming chapters. The developers aren't taking themselves at all seriously, which is enough reason to give this a try even if you've already played both Trauma Center and the Dark Cut series. I give it two severed thumbs up. Get to slicin'. Play Alan Probe: Amateur Surgeon. Slice into the guy and start patching up scars. Once you get the cuts all healed, bugs will pop out of his heart. Grab the car battery 9 on the line and start bug zapping. Be VERY careful that you don't kill him off, or else you'll have to restart his heart.

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Just zap anywhere on the screen and you'll be given about 5 points on the heart monitor; refill to a respectable level with the corkscrew and salve. Once the bugs are dead, patch him up again. Now you'll have to perform open heart surgery. Go into the inner chambers of his heart and break out the etch-a-sketch. You'll see a very large, suspicious blob. Cut it open and a few more bugs will race about the screen. Zap them, then zap the hole a few times to get the queen to come out.

Repeat this about two more times and the last queen will pop out with about five friends.

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Kill them all and you'll be taken back outside the heart. Patch up the scar on his heart to be taken back to the skin, and patch that up. First of all, you need to become an expert at your procedures. By now, closing up wounds, clearing out poison, and the rest should be second-nature to you.

However, you need to hone them in to become as efficient as in humanly possible. Here's a list of special techniques for your tools:.

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Odds are, you know that the lighter is the tool to cauterize wounds. However, you may not know why: when wounds are cauterized, they can't leak blood. One of the biggest yet unnoticed hassles of this game is obscured vision due to excess blood. Unless you catch a wound early, the time sucker--I mean, vacuum--will NOT help you in this department. So, whenever you make a cut, memorize its shape, end points, and direction before it gets covered up. Also note that your flame is not produced directly at the tip of your cursor but rather in a cloud-shaped pattern above it.

So, when a wound needs to be closed, the cloud itself, not the Amateur surgeon junk, controls how quickly it closes. Note also that different wounds have a higher priority, meaning that the lighter will apply its work to a certain scar before the others. Experiment with this, because if you're spending a lot of time on one wound and it's not closing, it's probably because it's looking at your incomplete effort on another wound instead. Before facing Eddy, try tackling one of the very first missions to perfect the timing--it has to spend a certain amount of time on the wound and cover it from tip to tip.

The salve is a life-saver, quite literally. It slowly returns some of the patient's health--or at least keeps it from dropping quickly--and completes the healing of a wound. It also has a hidden function.

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Whenever a wound is cauterized, it can spend a certain amount of time before it reopens and starts to bleed again. The salve stops this for good. The salve faces the same problem as the lighter: it produces a cloud-shaped blob above the cursor rather than at the cursor itself.

So, adjust your motions accordingly.